Italian Renaissance: the Launch of Lofficiel Italia and the Revival of Flair

Italy has been the theater of various changes these last few months, especially this fall. Not much the shows in Milan, the season looked rather "classical" for the italian capital. The real news came first from the modeling agencies side, with the launch of two young projects, Monster Management and Pop Models, both bearing a more conceptual look compared to the already existing players. Even more recent are the debuts of L'Officiel Italia and the relaunch of Flair Magazine with a completely revamped masthead and a more artistic orientation. Below is a double portrait of the new fashion press in Italy.
Many fashion enthusiastics were deeply disappointed when Amica, one of the most original publications in Europe, changed its look and target, going from a creative approach of fashion photography to mainstream and commercial contents that failed to excite the eye of the aesthetes. Amica wasn't alone to cross this line and choose a "safer" (somehow) way. The same can be said of Emmanuelle Alt's vision of Vogue Paris as Editor in Chief and some similar evolutions could be spotted here and there in Europe, North America, Asia... But things are slightly changing, other voices start to be heard again, the wind is blowing from another side.
First with the launch of L'Officiel Italia. The little sister-publication of L'Officiel Paris went for a very intriguing choice of cover for its debut issue. Instead of the usual über-retouched, mega-glossy and sometimes painfully tacky photograph covered with an overload of cheesy text, this first cover features an illustration by David Downton. Slightly retro in its mood, bright yet minimalist, the aesthetic of L'Officiel begs to differ from most of the popular visuals of the moment.
Quite on the same page is the new version of Flair, directly inspired by the original Flair magazine of the fifties. A pregnant Mariacarla Boscono by Jürgen Teller on the cover sets the tune, quite immediately, and you understand the new aims go slightly further than "just" fashion and clothes especially. Photography, literature, culture, art in general - the themes are broader and bring some extra diversity next to all these magazines that limit their topics to the best items of the season of the new generation of top models.
For all those, like me, who have felt desperate about fashion publications losing their soul and spirit lately, these two from Italy are definitely a good signal that an alternative is still possible nowadays despite the global economic issues and the cowardice of most publishing houses.
CREDITS: L'Officiel Italia, illustration by David Downton / Flair, Ph: Jürgen Teller.

 

TALES OF DIGITAL AGE: PRESS AND PAPER (Part One)

"Everybody understands that digital is the future and the present." These are not my own words but Baba Shetty's, newly appointed CEO of Newsweek, when he announced that the last printed issue of the world famous magazine will be relased this december. No later, then it's going to be all digital. Many in fashion would probably share Mr Shetty's point of view and visions, though the news from the small yet global universe of luxury are quite contradictory on that matter, with consequences that affect magazines, models, agencies and other players. The first three are, of course, the ones I'm interested in and the subject of this article in two parts. A first one dedicated to the current evolution of fashion press and a second short story on what to expect for models and their management.
I caught myself writing about the launch (or relaunch) of two italian magazines last week and both had some obviously retro vibes surrounding them. Flair's new look is directly inspired by the historical Flair magazine from the fifties while the newly released L'Officiel Italia featured an illustration on the cover. Not really living proofs of the digital age we're living in yet both are symptomatic of the evolution of fashion magazines in general, high-end ones more specifically.
We already had Grey Magazine, started a few years ago, that redesigned the look and function of the magazine as a collection of images and a beautiful object. Instead of the usual glossy look, Grey contains (almost) no advertisement inside and presents itself as a "real" book with a thick, rigid cover that you wouldn't be ashamed to put next to any other art book from your personal library at home. And the contents are just the way you expect them looking at the outside: fully dedicated to fashion photography, fine styling, portraits etc. No trace of the typical fashion stories you would find in Vogue, Elle or... everywhere online, these days.
Another recent move that follows a similar pattern is Carine Roitfeld's latest project. The title itself says it all: CR Fashion Book. Calling her magazine a book isn't innocent at all, as the vocable "book" still refers to an object you can hold in your hands while "magazine" can mean all and everything going from the monthly glossy sold in stores to the latest online page showcasing editorials, ad campaigns and other features you usually associate with the word "magazine".
Whether Carine's project is a book or not isn't the heart of the issue, the main idea behind this sophisticated title is clearly the difference of branding it brings. Book spells luxe and makes the item less casual, separates it from the masses and bears a timeless meaning. I don't think anyone is likely to launch a regular monthly printed magazine today but there is certainly a significant niche market for publications that are released two, three or four times a year and packaged as luxury objects you want to keep for a long time in opposition to the fast-paced online press or the good-old glossies you used to read and throw.
The last years have witnessed the birth (and, sometimes, the raise) of more artistic or alternative printed magazines, primarily focusing on high-end or experimental photography, collaborations with artists that aren't systematically connected to fashion and written contents.
If this seems to be the present of fashion magazines, the recent past was quite different. Not so long ago, not even half a decade ago, a young magazine from Ukraine called Playing Fashion made its debuts online and involved mostly local contributors. The perception of online magazines by the public wasn't totally the same as today and not being printed often meant belonging to second tier publications. After putting much efforts to develop their project, the young team behind Playing Fashion managed to step from its initial virtual form to gigantic leaves of glossy paper. And the move was seen as a major improvement in terms of prestige and audience.
But the fairytale didn't last: Playing Fashion stopped being printed this spring. The fantastic journey started by a few ukrainian youngsters is over and this doesn't leave much hopes left for hypothetical upcoming monthly printed magazines. Meanwhile, if Conde Nast and others have no plans yet to stop printing their Vogues and co., none of those famous titles could survive without an online presence besides their monthly release in bookstores.
I could go on with more examples of the influence of digital media on fashion press but I guess the point is pretty clear. Furthermore, magazines are the top of the iceberg, the most obvious part of the business where this influence can be seen or felt. What remains harder to perceive is how it has also affected the modeling side on various fronts, how it has changed the career prospects for the girls and the working habits of their managers - the theme of this article's upcoming part two.
CREDITS: CR Fashion Book, Kate Upton and Audrey Harrelson by Bruce Weber / Playing Fashion, Erin O'Connor by Jeon Seung Hwan / GREY Magazine, Bianca Balti by Manuela Pavesi, styled by Moreno Galata.

 

Vogue Turkey Dares To Differ

You can say a new fashion market is getting mature once a city or country launches its own edition of Vogue and manages to offer juicy commercial opportunities to the models staying in town. Lately, a lot of new places around the world have set themselves as reliable fashion destinations and, among this growing number, Turkey and especially Istanbul have a good rank on the list. This being said, these emerging markets are often considered as not really open to a subersive, controversial or even inventive imagery.
Asia might be the perfect example of this trend when you take a glimpse at the countless Vogue, Numéro and others that have popped up in asian countries and look much less daring or creative than most of their european counterparts. Vogue Turkey, though, has just released its latest issue and the cover alone should be able to change our percpetion of magazines from rising fashion markets. And the message is clear: creativity can be everywhere as long as someone is ready to get involved and push the boundaries.
Not so long ago, Turkey wasn't a common place for models to fly and Istanbul unlike Tokyo or Singapore didn't attract many mother agents as a suitable destination for the development of their new faces' portfolio or as a source of income for allround commercial models. Within the last couple of years, the situation has changed, dramatically. And now, with the profusion of quality magazines published in Turkey, the country has earned its place among the locations that matter, fashion wise. The launch of a turkish edition Vogue is certainly the most obvious symbol of that stylish revolution that took place there and the magazine has built its reputation with covers featuring models of the caliber of Natasha Poly, Lara Stone, Laetitia Casta or Karolina Kurkova (for this year alone). That should already be enough to consider Vogue Turkey as one of the main editions of the title worldwide, at least among the "new generation" of Vogues, but the most recent issue places the bar one step higher again, thank to a genuinely inventive and daring cover.
You had to scratch your eyes to believe it at first sight but this is it, this Vogue cover looks like everything but a Vogue cover. In the very best possible way. While many of the other editions don't seem to do much efforts to renew the genre, Vogue Turkey's november issue steps far away from the usual and overused pattern. No glam, no gloss, no gossip girl on the cover yet a highly inventive and refreshing visual featuring the artwork of Taner Ceylan. And instead of the countless lines of text that often pollute a big magazine's cover, just a few birds flying around and between the V and the O and the G and the U and the E. Indeed, this is the Art issue and no seasonal shopping theme. But, then, how many famous publications release some Art issues that are, in reality, just some artsy remakes of their most generic covers? You would have to dig a good one of Dazed and Confused to find something bearing a similar relevance.
While many of the international editions of Vogue are proposing to their readers the same old soup, over and over again, and their newborn siblings such as Vogue Netherlands fail to place themselves as alternative to mainstream titles like Marie-Claire, the concept of this new Vogue Turkey issue (with no model, no celeb, no cheesy headlines) is rocking the boat right in time to let us question ourselves why some of the major players are just resting on their laurels.

THE REVENGE OF THE INDIES: HOW ALTERNATIVE MAGAZINES KEEP CREATIVITY ALIVE

 

Vogue is quite often criticized, or even attacked, by some sharp and witty readers and other magazine-lovers yet their sales keep their standards as high as -or higher than- before. Meanwhile the best-known fashion publication is more and more compared to the likes of Elle and Marie-Claire, another breed of magazines is spreading its wings trying to touch the sky.
Those we call indie mags have never been so popular in spite of the challenges printed press is currently facing. Quality, creativity and originality are the key-words for these alternative glossies that are praised by the critical and picky buyers while top-notch contributors are making the headlines on their covers. If some have been around for years already, some youngers are bringing new blood to the editorial scene.
It's no longer just about Dazed & Confused or i-D, not even just 10 Magazine, V Mag or POP. The phenomenon isn't new but its impact is significantly deeper. There has always been numerous magazines that aim to offer an alternative to Vogue and the other mainstream franchises. Some of them appeared just to disappear soon after their launch... Easy come, easy go and even easy resurrect sounded like the daily routine of these independent fashion publications and quite a bunch were more experimental than anything else (which isn't bad at all in itself).
What has changed is their popularity and the kind of contributors they attract. Count on big names of photography to deliver some different visuals than what all the Meisel, Testino and Mert & Marcus of this world are currently producing. Raw, raunchy or refined, the contents of magazines like Acne Paper, Antidote, Grey or Intermission is rich and diverse, and generally beg to differ from the overretouched and saturated glamour that dominates the mass-appealing magazines.
It's not only a matter of image and aesthetic, it's also a question of visibility and audience (sales, somehow). French magazine Double used to be quite unknown and underground not so long ago and, apart from our national bookstores, I had never seen it abroad while travelling. Today, the same Double is available overseas and has been warmly welcomed in New York City. Another sign of the times is Corduroy Magazine's multiple covers for its latest issue, featuring models ranging from Alek Wek and Angela Lindvall to Erin O'Connor and Eva Herzigova. Not a small line-up and even less an anonymous one. On the same note, Centrefold Magazine has recently created its own hype by having no other than Kate Moss (by the always-inspired Venetia Scott) on its cover and Cindy Crawford in one of its main editorials.
Next to these two that look already steaming hot, newer mags hiring younger talents are also getting their slice of spotlights: USED Magazine might be the best example, collaborating with up-and-coming photographers like Greta Ilieva and avant-garde editorial models like Ehren Dorsey or Erika Linder (not the typical runway gazelles with sixty shows a season yet some of the best in print of their generation). HUSK Magazine apparently follows a similar pattern with its recent release and Balenciaga's darling Julier Bugge gracing the cover. Add to the list some others like Intermission, Antidote, Lula or Doingbird - all remaining true to their aesthetics and readers while strengthening their position in the fashion magazine landscape.
All in all, this profusion of magazines gives the readers a diversified offer that have rarely reached a similar peak and is completed by various quality online publications displaying a variety of contents that fits to different types of eyes. Whether this situation is made to last (remember fashion doesn't often embrace long-lasting waves) or is fated to fade isn't today's issue.
The single fact it's all bubbling and buzzing at the moment can already be understood as promising sign that fashion photography hasn't stopped evolving and renewing itself, and magazines are moving along. No matter what the future has in store for all of them, they have the merit to exist and contribute actively to maintain (at least) a certain level of creativity in a fashion business that seems more and more governed by economic requirements.
CREDITS: Double Magazine by Walter Pfeiffer / USED Magazine by Greta Ilieva / Intermission Magazine by Patrik Sehlstedt / HUSK Magazine by Willem Jaspert / Centrefold Magazine by Venetia Scott / Corduroy Magazine by Peter Ash Lee.

 

 

Erotic Massage

Getting prepared
A massage should be a pleasant, sensual experience and there many things that can be done to ensure that it is so.
Firstly, you definitely do not want to be interrupted, so lock all your doors and unplug the phones.
The next thing you need to know is that a good massage is not a quick massage. Be prepared to spend some time with your partner, and do your best to set the mood. Dim the lights, have a good massage area (couches are lame), light up some candles, make sure the room temperature and your hands are warm (not too hot), and soft relaxing music is never a bad touch (make sure it is something your partner will like though).

Have your partner shower or bathe to relax and clean himself or herself.

Nice touches are aromas a sprinkle of rose petals over the bed anything that will help set the mood.

Getting Started
Your goal in a massage is to put your partner in a state of relaxation; if you are scared or worried, it is very easy to read from your body language.

Start slowly, be sensitive to your partners response and adapt your technique accordingly; while great massages are not the easiest to give, it is also difficult to give a bad one if you keep this rule in mind.
Rub some massage oil or cream in your hands to get it warm, and then go to work. We at sexinfo101 would like to suggest getting unscented oils for massage. Scented oils sound great, and for that matter smell great too, but their scents are often overpowering. At least experiment with small samples before spending big bucks on something you might only use once.

The whole concept of massage is built around being touched, so try to keep constant contact with your partner. As you explore their body, try to do it in a continuous way to help keep your flow going, as well as to increase the intimacy level. If you are learning for the first time, or learning to please a new partner, don't forget to communicate. You don't necessarily have to ask if every motion you try feels good, but don't be afraid to ask if they want something harder or softer, and make sure to listen to your partner's breathing, it is an excellent indication of how you are doing. Try to keep your movements rhythmic, even, and symmetric when starting out. This will allow your partner to understand what is going on, and relax even more. As you get more experience, you will learn tricks and combo moves to improve your abilities.

Where should you start the massage? Well, there is no one place to begin. Virtually every part of the body (at least the areas that you are allowed to touch) is fair game. Some spots are better then others, and those are usually the ones that allow you to traverse your partners whole body continuously, but there is nothing wrong with hitting the best areas more than once (refer to erogenous zones in the pleasing women and men sections) as long as you dont dwell too intensely on more sensitive areas.

Starting with the feet and moving up is one way to go about it another is starting at the head and working your way down. We want to reiterate, there is no one way of doing massage, so start wherever you are comfortable ... just keep experimenting. A suggestion for first timers would be to start at the soldiers, then go to the neck, scalp, run your fingers down to his or her shoulders, arms, upper back, lower back, buttocks, thighs, calves, and then feet; then flip him or her over and work back up. Some areas are better massaged softly, others are better if they are massaged deeper, so start trying! As you gain experience, the whole process will become second nature.

How to use your hands
Again, there is no right or wrong way! We have found that using your finger tips softly in softer and more sensitive areas, and using your full hand, especially your thumbs, works wonders on large, commonly sore, muscle areas like the outer thighs and shoulders. If you are ever unsure, start softly and progressively massage deeper carefully monitoring your partner's breathing. It won't take long until your partner thinks you are a professional.

Some people enjoy being scratched (lightly is recommended), others enjoy being licked, some prefer little circular movements, others enjoy hard deep massages, and yet others want them all. Besides giving ideas, we are unable to give you a road map to your partner's body, as every person is different and enjoys different stimulation. This article will be extended in the near future to include some "hitting strokes", and don't forget to check the pleasing men and women sections to find ways to please each area of your partner's body.

The best advice that we can give you is this "know your partners body". It is the people who know their partner's bodies the best, who are usually remembered to be the best lovers!

Ten Tips For Better Sex

Make it unexpected.
Nothing takes away the monotony in a relationship like the unexpected! The next time you're not doing anything, initiate a little sex play.

Add ambiance to your love nest.
The next time you plan on making love, light a few candles, spray a light scented fragrance and a put on some soft music. Ambiance can heighten just about any romantic situation.

Make love in a new place.
Add a bit of excitement and newness to your sex life by making love in a new place! Rent a hotel room, try a different room, make love in public... the possibilities are endless.
Wear comfortable, but sexy lingerie.
In order to feel sexy, you need to look it AND be comfortable. If you are uncomfortable with any part of your body, find lingerie that hides it or greatly compliments another feature. Confidence is a great aphrodisiac and is easier to attain in the bedroom when you look great!

Think about what your partner would like.
To add a new level to your lovemaking, take your time pleasuring your partner. Add heightened interest by letting them know what you are doing. Speak romantically during the entire session as well.

Women, concentrate on only what you want.
Believe it or not, one of a man's biggest turn ons is a woman turning on herself. The next time you make love to your partner, only do things that pleasure you. Just like in the above tip, the key is in letting him know that is what you are doing.

Without speaking, take your partner and make love to them.
Silence can be an exhilarating turn on. This idea is especially effective when you do this as soon as your partner comes home.

Don't hold back your emotions.
Be free to express yourself and your feelings when you make love. Voice how you're feeling and don't be too shy to do whatever you feel like doing.

Try using something new like ice or toys.
While sex is great without any enhancements, it can definitely be worthwhile to try a few new things. A few ideas range from blindfolds, ice, toys, movies, etc.

Torment your partner with at least an hour of foreplay.
Better yet, drag it out throughout the entire day. Suspense is a wonderful aphrodisiac and can greatly enhance your love making.

Communication, Great-SEX Style

Sexual criticism and discussing sexual requests may be two of the most arduous tasks in a relationship. Who wants to hear that they are a poor kisser or that your partner is unhappy with your sex life? Remember to treat your partner as YOU would like to be treated and with the utmost respect, even if you disagree with their stance. Beginning the discussion can be quite nerve-racking. Feel the acid churning in your stomach yet? Let's prepare the atmosphere just right. First of all, don't criticize in public or in front of others. Save the details for a time and place when you can be alone and undisturbed. Secondly, before you begin, analyze your intentions if you wish to express a criticism. What is your motivation? Are you frustrated with the situation and want to get back at your partner, or do you sincerely wish to make the sexual climate hotter?

Once you have the right mindset and are sure of your intentions, begin by acknowledging the difficulty of the task at hand. Say something like, "I find it hard to talk about this and would appreciate your help and understanding. Do you have time to talk?" This question accomplishes several things: you've expressed concern and apprehension, thereby gaining your partner's attention, sensitivity, and perhaps sympathy. The point is that your partner will not be defensive. Plus, you've asked permission to broach the discussion, so he/she feels immediately involved.

If you are the one on the receiving end, truly open yourself up to hearing your partner. DON'T become defensive. This is a choice. You can choose to be receptive and actively listen. Practice positive body language so your partner feels comfortable and provide feedback so he/she knows you are listening and that you want to rectify the situation. Paraphrase what your partner has expressed to make sure you are both on the same page. When in doubt, use positive reinforcement and make sure to provide feedback. Don't be afraid to ask specifics as to what you should do or how you can make the situation better.

Be specific when expressing criticism and don't bring up the past. If you have supposedly dealt with past issues, let them go and only deal with the here and now. If you want more foreplay, don't say, "You're selfish and only think about needs in the bedroom." Obviously, this will have negative repurcussions. Instead, try the following "I" statement or something similar: "I really enjoy it when we touch and kiss before making love, and it upsets me that you don't seem to care about my sexual satisfaction." Notice the word "seem". You aren't making exact accusations, but expressing your interpretations and perspective. Then you can have an open, positive dialogue.

When you are in the middle of being intimate, try positive reinforcement. Say things like, "I love it when you caress my nipples like that" or "I love it when you kiss my neck." Those type of "I" statements work much better than "You piss me off because we don't do foreplay any more." Yikes! Remember to begin the sentence with "I" to take responsibility of the statement and not place blame. Placing blame is counterproductive and may cause your partner to become defensive. While making love, take your partner's hand and move it the way you especially like. Directing your partner's hand is more effective than saying "You don't touch me right. Don't you know what I like by now?" Double yikes! Need I remind you to treat each other with respect?

Remember that you are in this together. Use your feelings for one another as motivation to better the situation, not as weapons. You both want a happy, fulfilling sex life, and it won't happen if only ONE of you tries to vary the routine. Work together. Communication is vital in any relationship, but when it comes to matters of sex, egos flare and feelings get hurt VERY quickly. Proceed with caution and remember the relationship is worth the effort. If you have a way of communication that especially works for your relationship, share the wealth! We can always benefit from more wisdom! Don't forget to send comments or questions for readers. I look forward to an interesting reader comments issue this week! As always, I remain...

10 Ways To Feel Sexy

 Wear silk boxers.
Do your makeup and hair.
Wear lingerie that flatters you.
Dance seductively with your partner.
Plan at least one sensual experience a week for your love.
Wear sexy clothing.
Take a shower together.
Learn more about pleasing your partner.
Be the dominant one in your next love-making session.
Accept compliments regarding your looks and abilities.

Sexual Fantasies

From the time we are very young fantasy is a very important part of everyones life. It is an opportunity to try things out in the privacy of our imagination, a form of rehearsal far away from prying ears and eyes. Nothing illustrates this better than sexual fantasy, which is considered to be a healthy, normal way of becoming sexually aroused and exploring our own sexuality. It is both fun and functional but for some very frightening.

The stigma attached to what some feel are dirty thoughts, ideas and feelings that they should not have if they are normal, causes fear and anxiety. Many feel ashamed at these thoughts. The guilt that they generate can often cause problems in a relationship especially where the fantasy is seen as a betrayal of a lover or partners trust.

Experts agree that this is not the way to handle our fantasies. We should enjoy them and explore with them and above all realize that the brain is the most important sexual organ in our body. It dictates the way we feel and is at the core of our emotions. It is actually the brain which turns us on or off and directs all our sexual urges.

The truth about many sexual fantasies is that given the chance to act on them, most people would run a mile. Sexual fantasies can take many forms and gives us a free rein to try out situations that we would never consider in real life. In fact fantasy is a form of pleasurable day dreaming that we can control; it is completely safe; does not hurt anyone and fantasising about something does not mean that we will actually do it. It certainly should not cause us to feel guilty or perverted. We need to accept fantasy and enjoy it as a part of our sexual being.
The sexual fantasies of men and women do differ, although both may use fantasy while masturbating or making love. Common sexual fantasies in men involve making love to a virgin, being part of a threesome, watching people have sex and being overpowered sexually by one or more women. Women often fantasise about making love to a complete stranger, taking part in-group sex, making love to another woman and being a sex slave to a celebrity. Of course there are many more and where there is some kind of personality disorder or dysfunction in a man or a woman, fantasies may become violent and bizarre and be a symptom of other underlying problems.

Fantasy is quite normal. It is your private domain. Enjoy your imagination and do not feel guilty.

Female Erogenous Zones

Before we work our way down the list of female sweet spots I should qualify something I said last time about erogenous zones and foreplay. At no time did I mean that you should only engage these zones for the purposes of foreplay. As a matter of practice, you should familiarize yourself with these spots to keep things interesting. Every once in a while its a great idea to just tantalize for the sake of pleasure and not as a preview to sex. The whole idea is to keep your relationship unpredictable. When things become routine, interests start to wax and wane. Wax is bad enough, but waning? Real bad.

Anyhoo for those taking notes, let's start with the female erogenous zones and talk about what works best.


Neck - Not just any part of the neck, but the BACK of the neck. Starting in the hollow part behind her ear, try to just barely brush the surface of her skin with your breath before initiating light contact. The goal is to try to keep the touch light enough to be noticed, but not so light that it starts to tickle. Kissing is always a plus, but remember to measure her state of euphoria based on how deep she is breathing.


Breasts - I know its another obvious zone, but try to avoid going immediately to the nipples. The whole breast area is sensitive from the bottom of the neck so start nibbling or touching her collar bone. Start by making small circles and gradually spread them out until you cup your hand gently under her breasts. The nipples should be your eventual destination, not the first.

Ribs - Not the entire rib cage, but the area closer to the breasts. Press gently and follow the lines of her ribs to- wards her breasts, but stop short of her actual breasts. You can use your tongue, fingers, or even the tip of your nose. If you want to add a little spice, try the tip of a feather or a Q-tip! Use your imagination (I know you've got one).


Navel - This is another one of those love/hate zones. Find out if this tickles her fancy before you try it. If she's into it; use anything from your tongue to a strawberry. Don't make me explain the fruit...


Inner Thighs - It sounds obvious, but don't just use her thighs as an expressway to her genitals. Spend some serious time caressing the inside of her legs and tease her by stopp- ing just short of the mark. The thighs are one of your best choices for massage oils or lotions.


Back of the Knees - Women know enough to put perfume back here so make sure you take the time to notice. Its also a very ticklish spot for some, so you would do better to kiss her gently and work her way to the inside of her thighs.

Toes - I hear toe sucking goes over big for some, but I was amazed to find out how many haven't tried this. I guess it goes without saying that practicing good hygiene is cruc- ial before trying this. If you want to start slow, caress her toes while giving her a foot massage and work between. I don't know any woman who would turn down a foot massage, so your chances of playing footsie look pretty good.

Again, these erogenous zones are the established ones, but it doesn't mean that all women want attention in all spots. If you've made a resolution to keep communications clear, start by establishing where she likes to be touched. If she's not sure which zones are her favorite? I guess you'll have to go on a little fact finding mission. I don't really see any down side here do you?

Get More Sex

Of course there is much more to a relationship besides sex, but without itwhat have you got?! JUST A ROOMMATE TO DO THINGS WITH! A relationship without the sex is called a "friendship."

We all change over the years, and women who were once very open and generous in the bedroom can take a damaging U-turn after just so many years. Before, he was having sex every night. Now, after so many years, he is lucky to get it once a week, if that! Does this sound familiar to you? Are you afraid of getting married because of this? You wouldn't be the only one. Many, many men won't get married because of this one thing alone. They have heard horror stories of men not getting any more sex from their wives. There are too many women who take sex for granted.
Men enjoy their pleasures as much as the women enjoy just the romance and cuddling. Pleasuring one another is what makes a good relationship. You obviously cant see into the future, so your chances of knowing if she will turn frigid on you down the road are pretty slim. All you can do is go with what you know about her right now, and then just hope for the best in the future.

One thing you should keep in mind is how she acts in the bedroom right now. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

- Has the sex gone down to only once a week, if that? As time goes by it will grow even worse. She knows a guy likes it a certain amount of times a week, but she still isnt there for him like she use to be.

- Is she into the sex as much as you are, or is she just going through the motions, not showing much enthusiasm?

- Is she still willing to be there for your needs, even though she isnt in the mood?

- Does she only want to do a couple of positions, and thats it?

- Does she GENUINELY think sex plays an important role in a relationship?

Way too many men dont want to divorce their wives or break up with their long-time girlfriends because they would then feel like a louse, and / or they are afraid of what the relatives and friends would think. What?! You left just because you werent getting enough sex?! Does this sound familiar to some of you who got a divorce because of the lack of sex?
Somehow it just doesnt seem like a legitimate reason to break up a relationship. But, it is! A woman who labels her mate as a "all you want is sex" kind of a guy just because he wants sex at least five times a week is a mans worst nightmare. There is nothing wrong with having sex that many times a week, or even more. And how long does each time last? Fifteen minutes, at the very most? That is "a lot"?! If she thinks that, run the other way. You really want to be with a woman like that?!

For those of you who wont break up with your mates because you may feel like a louse and / or what others may think of you:

YOU ARE LEAVING BECAUSE SHE IS AN UNCARING WIFE / GIRLFRIEND!

Its the same thing, right? Why is it understandable to breakup because there is a lack of communication, trust or common goals, but it isnt understandable if there is a lack of sex? It doesnt make sense, does it? So dont stay (TRAPPED) in a relationship because you may have these feelings. You should leave because the bottom line is that she is an uncaring mate. Isnt that reason enough to leave?

A sweet, thoughtful, affectionate woman will still give her mate sex every night if he wants it, providingHE IS THERE FOR HER NEEDS ALSO, AND HE DOESNT WANT SEX ALL THE TIME.

Face to Face on a Stool

A tall kitchen stool is perfect for communicating and slowly working up to soulful eye-to-eye communication. If you are used to closing your eyes and burying your head in the pillow, you'll find that in this position you are more present and equal. No one's weight is on anyone, you are facing each other (he's standing and you're sitting). You can look down at his penis, and he can get valuable feedback about the types of strokes he is delivering when he sees your face and hears your delighted sounds.

Because this position provides intense stimulation to the G-spot and a clear, direct way to communicate, this is the best position for both of you to learn how to awaken and stimulate your G-spot. Your clitoris can also be easily stimulated.

This position is excellent for deep penetration -- if the stool is sturdy -- and for exploring how deep, penetrating thrusts can trigger the sensations of a uterine orgasm (different than a vaginal orgasm, but equally enjoyable). It's likely that at first you may not have an orgasm and you may not ejaculate, but it's worth it to explore a uterine orgasm.

Spice Up The Missionary Position

 

Many couples who have been together for a while think of the missionary position as boring, and, not that stimulating for the woman. Of all the positions, the missionary is the least popular, and the most unimaginative. But, it doesnt have to be. And, on top of that (excuse the pun), from that position, it's virtually impossible for most women to come to orgasm because their clitoris isn't being stimulated. Nearly all of a woman's most sensitive nerves are on their clit, while the less sensitive ones are on their inner lips, near the opening. A woman can of course still come from the stimulation of her inner lips, but it wouldnt be as strong as she would like it to be. The following is for the very few women out there who can still have a satisfying orgasm with your penis inside her, where her clit isnt being stimulated. Both can come to orgasm, while he is inside her.
Most women would prefer to come to a strong orgasm while her lover is on top because she is face to face with him. She is able to hold her arms around him, while he does the same to her. There are 5 ways to spice up the boring missionary position. Lets start off with the first one.

1. Start off by gently taking the tip of your penis and rubbing her clit and the surrounding lips. (Use one of your hands to separate her lips, while you use the other to rub your penis on her clit.) Go in circular motions and ask her if she can feel it. Do it slowly and gently, then fast and rough. You can also rub your penis across her nipples. This is an arousing sight for some women.

Next, whisper in her ear: "Are you ready?" (One woman commented that her boyfriend would always ask first if he can go inside. This was very special for her, since most men dont do this. So, ask first. Can I go inside? It is something that is very nice, AND DIFFERENT, for her.) If she is ready, begin to slide just the head of your penis in her. Now pull it back out, and then put it back in, just at the tip. Do this for about a minute or two.

Now go in about a half-inch deeper, and do the same thing as before. Take it out slowly and put it back in her. In and out, in and out. Do this for another minute. The reasoning for this is to tease her to the point of having that strong desire.

Now put it in her all the way, kissing, gently biting and hugging her at the same time. Kissing and sucking her ears are one of the most important things to do to her. Suck on her ear lobes. Lick her whole ear. Imitate the sound of a snore and slightly make that sound in her ear, at the same time slightly letting your warm breath touch it.

Another thing that works wonders is humming in her ear. Let the vibrations from your mouth touch her ear as you are humming. Rubbing your cheek up against hers and rubbing your nose in her ear are other things that make a big difference.

And, always remember to tell her how good she feels. Also, tell her she smells absolutely fantastic. Whisper things like that in her ear. Its little, insignificant things like that that matter the most.

When you are in her all the way, whisper in her ear if she wants you to stay where you are at, or to keep penetrating. Some women like for you to stay inside her, motionless, while she squeezes her vagina muscles around your penis, while there are others who want you to keep penetrating. When she has that orgasm, it will be like a fantastic explosion in her. She will have that feeling of total satisfaction. This is the whole purposeto create this wonderful feeling for her. A feeling that she should feel every time you make love to her.

Many men just thrust in and out, in and out, in and out at a continuous pace. Liven it up by going slow for a about a minute or two, and then fast and hard. You should also stop thrusting. Kiss and caress her cheeks while you are motionless inside her. Then start back up again. Break up the monotony.

2. Another technique you can use to give the missionary position an extra zip is to have her raise her right leg until her knee is even with your left shoulder. (Hold it up for her, while kissing and licking it.) She should leave her left leg flat on the bed. Then direct your thrusts towards her inner thigh of her raised leg. By her doing this, it stretches her vagina a little bit, allowing for tighter penetration and more pressure on her clit. Keep in mind that this technique isnt full proof with all women. Nevertheless, experiment with it. At least she knows you like to experiment in bed, which many women find appealing in men.

3. When our head is upside down, we feel a rush as blood pours in and oxygen is depleted. For some women, combining this with physical pleasure could heighten her orgasm. This does have an affect with some women. Try this with the next woman you are with (She will love all of this experimenting!): Have her lie on her back across the bed, with her head and shoulders dangling over the edge. Make sure she keeps as much of her lower back on the mattress as possible. And, of course, stop if she becomes too light-headed.

This angle you have her at shouldnt be reserved just for the missionary position. You should also go down on her and / or use her vibrator on her. Experiment with her when she is at this angle.

4. If you don't know about this little toy already, the perfect toy for this position is a small vibrator that is held to her clit by a thong strap that goes around her hip. She will get both the sensation from that and from your penis inside of her! They come small enough to where they won't get in your way while you are thrusting inside of her. Be sure to ask the salesperson that it is indeed small enough so it won't be in the way. Here are a few good vibrators.

5. And lastly, you can still hit her clit while at the same time you are showing her that you have some imagination for the missionary position. Get high up on her so your hips are above hers, and then enter her at a downward angle, very, very slowly, making sure you rub down her clit when penetrating her.

And dont forget the pillow under her butt. Jacking up her hips adds even more spice to this position. With all this information at your fingertips, you are now able to show her that this position can be one of the most popular. You both can now have fun at the same time, where she can also come to orgasm.

How to Achieve Multiple O's

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!" Those are the words that burst from Cassie Webster's mouth the night she experienced her first multiple orgasm. "That night changed my life forever," recalls the 28-year-old lifeguard from La Jolla, Calif. "I'd had orgasms before, plenty of them. But I never understood what the big deal was. I'd come, he'd come, we'd fall asleep. Then one night, after I'd had my typical one-shot, my boyfriend kept thrusting. All of a sudden, I felt like I was going to come again. I just gave into the feeling, and my body exploded. It was as though I was rocking on the ocean and every wave drove these amazing pulses of pleasure through me." Now, Cassie says once is never enough -- and she's learned how to make multiple orgasms a regular event.

Cassie's not the only one with the potential for plural peaking. You can make multiples part of your sexual repertoire too! "If you can have one orgasm, you can have more than one," insists Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., author of Supersexual Orgasm (HarperCollins, 1997). That's because when it comes to coming, we women have it made. Men -- the poor things -- have what's called a refractory period. (In other words, they need a break -- and sometimes a nap -- between orgasms.) Not so with women: We can ride wave after wave without a time-out. In fact, most women are actually capable of two different types of multiples. (Why not try for both?)


Sequential multiples are a series of climaxes that come fairly close together -- from two to 10 minutes apart -- with a drop-off in your arousal in between. "It's just like riding a roller coaster: You dip down after the first hill before climbing back up another one," explains Susan Crain Bakos, author of Sexational Secrets (St. Martin's Press, 1996). The most common scenario for sequentials: an oral sex climax followed by another climax during intercourse.

Serial multiples are an even wilder ride: Your orgasms come one after another, separated by mere seconds with barely any interruption in arousal. "Here you feel wave after wave of pleasure, one on top of the other," says Bakos. You're most likely to have your boat rocked by serials during full-force intercourse as he hits one or more of your hottest spots. So, ready to go from "O" to "OOOOO!"?
Believe in Miracles
If you're not enjoying multiple orgasms, it's probably because you're simply not seeking them out. Lori, a 27-year-old media buyer from Princeton, N.J., says that her "single-mindedness" was all that was holding her back from having a multiple. "I always assumed I could only come once, so after I had an orgasm, I'd just concentrate on pleasing the guy I was with. Then one night, I was in bed with a new guy, someone who really turned me on. Even after I came I was really aroused, so I tried to have a second one just for the hell of it. And I did! Now I have multiples at least half the time."

Bonus tip: If you always stop after one orgasm because your genitals become hypersensitive to the touch, try waiting 10 to 15 seconds, and then resume stimulation. "You'll be astonished at how quickly you come again," assures Bakos.

Mouthing Off
Whether you're going for your first orgasm or your fourth, starting a sexual encounter with oral sex may be all it takes to ring your bell repeatedly. "I've found that for most women, the most successful way to have multiple orgasms is to receive oral sex before having intercourse," says Bakos.

One oral-sex technique he should try: The Flame. Your lover can set you on fire by imagining the tip of his tongue is a fluttering candle flame and moving it rapidly around the sides of the clitoris, above and below it, as a flame would flicker. "It's a combination of varied and repeated stimuli, and almost everyone will respond quickly to that," she insists. Since this is a technique for your man to use, we suggest you leave this magazine lying open in a spot where he won't be able to miss it (like underneath the remote).

G-Spotting
For some women, the G-spot -- a highly excitable area in the vagina -- is the secret to having orgasmic encores. Kathy, a 30-year-old aerobics instructor from Syracuse, N.Y., says her climaxes before she discovered the G-spot were anticlimactic. "I never believed the articles I read about the existence of the G-spot until the night my husband and I accidentally found it," says Kathy. "He was thrusting really slowly and deeply. At first, I almost felt like I had to pee, and then all of a sudden, this unbelievable sensation washed over me. He stayed right there inside me and I just kept on coming. I must have had more than seven orgasms in the span of minutes."

Since you can only feel the G-spot when you're aroused -- the area swells with blood and becomes rough and raised -- save searching for it for times when you're feeling frisky. When you're ready, lie on your back and reach your index and middle fingers about two inches into your vaginal canal (your palm should be facing up). Rub the pads of your fingers around the top wall of your vagina. Your G-spot will probably feel like a rough patch about the size of a quarter. The first time you stimulate the G-spot -- which some experts say is directly connected to the orgasm center in your brain -- you'll probably feel like you need to urinate. For most women, that sensation decreases the more the spot is stimulated. If you don't feel anything, don't worry, you and your partner might have more luck (and more fun!) just experimenting until you find it.

Get Into Position
The angle of your hips determines both the depth and angle of your lover's penis inside and outside your vagina, so simple adjustments may increase the friction on your hot spots and bring on the multiples. "One night in bed, my boyfriend and I found that if I lifted my rear end off the bed while we were having sex, he could penetrate me much, much deeper," says Kathryn, 31, a pharmaceuticals salesperson from Tulsa, Okla. "Having my hips propped up with a pillow allowed him to hit my G-spot really hard. Suddenly I just started coming and coming -- it was like nothing I'd ever felt before." Tricks to try: Position a pillow under your lower back or ask your man to lift your pelvis so that your vagina is slightly elevated, lower back pushed down. Or have him enter your vagina from behind -- many women find doing it doggie-style makes G-spot stimulation easier.

Bonus! The New G-Spot!
Keesling says she's found a new trigger site she calls the cul-de-sac deep within the vagina. Located near the cervix, it only becomes accessible to his penis when you become extremely aroused and the muscles around the uterus lift up. To find yours, next time you're making love in the missionary position, lift your legs up in the air and back toward your body. Then suck in your stomach. This combination of moves should allow his penis access. "When my boyfriend and I first tried sex with my knees pulled back toward my ears, I felt his penis hit a very sensitive place inside of me I had never felt before," recalls Sue, a 29-year-old clothing-store manager from Duluth, Minn. "Then I had a tremendous rush of pleasure that radiated through my whole body."

Squeeze Play
Why waste time toning your tummy when you could be exercising your orgasm muscles? "Studies have shown that the stronger the PC or pubococcygeus muscles -- the ones that contract when you have an orgasm or cut off the flow of urine -- the greater a woman's orgasmic response," says Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. "So strengthening your PC muscles with exercises called Kegels is the most important thing you can do to improve your chances of having multiple orgasms."

Trudy, a 38-year-old physical therapist from Seattle, can testify to the power of PC exercises. "I was dating my future husband when I heard that doing Kegel exercises could boost pleasure," Trudy recalls. "I started doing 20 of them every day. About a month later, my fiance and I were playing around in bed with different positions, and I suddenly felt a tremendous flood of pleasure. It was as though the most sensation I had previously had was a 3 and this was a 10. Every muscle seemed to contract and release in an unbelievable spasm. Even more unbelievably, the orgasm repeated ... and repeated. That was all it took to make me a Kegel believer!"

To start your own Kegel routine, squeeze the same muscles you would to control your flow of urine for three seconds, and then relax for three seconds. Repeat 10 times, working your way up to a series of 50, three times a day. "These exercises are great to do during a boring meeting at work," says Whipple with a laugh. "Because they increase blood flow to the genitals, they can get you pretty excited. People will think you're really paying attention because your cheeks will be rosy and you'll have a big smile on your face." And try working out during sex: not only will the extra flexing boost your arousal, it will give him a squeeze he'll never forget.

Fake It Till You Make It
"You can increase your chances of having a multiple simply by observing all the things that happen involuntarily when you approach orgasm and doing them intentionally," says Keesling. Moaning out loud, breathing faster and harder, and tightening and loosening your pelvic muscles will send your body signals that it's time for another orgasm, and that will make multiples more likely. "Eventually, you may even condition your body to become excited again automatically," she says.

Take it from Tess, a 30-year-old Chicago theater manager: "One night, I had just finished climaxing during sex with my husband, but he was just getting started. I didn't want to just lay there like a log, so I closed my eyes and started making some moaning noises. The more I moaned, the more excited my husband became, so I got even more into it -- breathing heavily and clenching and unclenching the muscles in my pelvis and butt. After about two or three minutes of this, all my playacting actually got me worked up for real! And I had my first orgasmic doubleheader."

Play With Your Peaks
Another way to fool your body into coming back for more is to practice a technique called peaking. "With this technique it's possible to teach your body a new arousal pattern," says Keesling. Think about your excitement on a 1 to 10 scale. A 2 or a 3 is a twinge of pleasure, 4 or 5 is low-level arousal, and by the time you get up to an 8, your heart is pounding, your breath is heavy, and your face is flushed. In peaking, you allow yourself to go up to a 4 or 5, then back off, taking a break from thrusting and stopping all other stimulation while you let yourself calm down for a few seconds. Then go up to a 6 and back off, then a 7 or 8 and back off, and so on. Delaying orgasm in this wavelike pattern not only results in an unusually intense orgasm, it sets you up for a second one because your body anticipates another peak.

Still Single?
If you're trying all these techniques and not getting results, don't despair: "Try tucking away this article and taking it out again in a few years," suggests Bakos. "We're not exactly sure why, but it appears that the closer a woman gets to 30, the likelier it is that she's going to have multiples." And no matter what your age, don't put pressure on yourself to make multiples happen -- that will just be counterproductive. "Relax and focus on the process of making love rather than simply striving for an end result," advises Whipple. "Sex is supposed to be pleasure-oriented, not goal-oriented."

Why Men Can't Find A Good Woman

Why is it that some men can have one date after another, while others can barely date once a month? Why is it that some men have that loving and supportive wife, while others get a divorce in less than ten years? Why is it that some men, even though they could be tall and reasonably nice looking can't get a woman to look at him, while the shorter and average-looking guy can???

Are you one of those who have a hard time trying to find a good woman? Do you have a hard time just trying to get one at least interested in you?

Here are the 5 reasons why so many men can't find a good woman. You may not like some of them, but nevertheless, these are facts that you need to address. Once you read this article, hopefully a light bulb will come on for you. Once you know the reasons why this happens, then you can do something about it.

1. Men who say that it is tough finding her are usually the ones who exaggerate their problem, and, they don't approach and date that many women to begin with.
If you think it is really hard to find a good woman to settle down with, we would like to ask you this: How many times do you date a month? How many women do you approach every month? Is it is just a couple of times, if that? If you do the math, it's not that many times to where you should be feeling like this. Unless this has happened within the last year or two.
2. They follow lame advice written by men, who thinks THEY know what works with women. The men who read such books make it EVEN harder on themselves.

3. Their "wish list" for a particular woman is way too high. No one should settle, but one should at least lower it to be a bit more realistic, and with the odds in their favor. We once corresponded with a gentleman who only dates brunettes, yet he stated that "it's tough out there." Gee!

4. They think too much with their hormones. They want to date her STRICTLY because of the way she looks. The odds are MUCH higher that this "hot girl" is nothing but "a man's worse nightmare. Why can't they settle for a very cute woman who has that hot personality? If they want her to be very attractive, they shouldn't whine that "it's hard to find a good woman out there."

5. They say they have looked everywhere for the answer on why they can't find her. They asked their family and friends, read scores of books, they did the Internet personals, asked other men on Internet message boards... But, do they listen to the advice that is given to them? Oddly enough, most don't. Are you one of them?

So, are we saying that it is their fault, and that it is easy to find her? Yes and no. Yes, it is their fault, and no, many times it isn't easy. Especially if you live in an area where the men outnumber the women, like Alaska. But, most of the time it is easy. Men who live in such areas should move. Easier said than done? Perhaps. But it can be done. They have two choices. Move, or remain in that lonely situation.
In most cases, it is very easy to find her. It's just a matter of approaching a few women every week. How long do you think it would take before you found that right one for you then? And, once you leave your hormones at home, and lower your standards, you will find yourself getting plenty of dates with very cute women who can make you laugh and feel good about yourself.
Read our other articles and our free tips pages on how to better understand women, how to increase your odds in getting dates, and, knowing if they are worth dating. Order our book. We think you will be surprised by what it can do for you.

Body Painting for couples

Body painting is not only sensual but great fun too. You get naked and make a masterpiece of each others bodies using either special paints or even food products.
The lure of body painting is in the sensual, all over the body touching and the artistic expression involved. The painting can be done on any part of the body wanted and can be as simple or intricate as you like.

Of course if food is used as paint then it can be licked or eaten off so make sure it tastes good. Take care what else is used to paint with, it should be made for use on the skin and it is recommended that you test anything first to ensure that you wont get an allergic reaction.
What youll need:

old sheets to lie on
paints- food or body paint
brushes, sponges or more imaginative applicators
a wet cloth could be handy

Sexual Health - Unable To Achieve Orgasm

There are a number of reasons why a woman may not be able to achieve orgasm, some physical others psychological. inadequate stimulation medication treating another illness injury or accident which affects gential receptiveness conditions which interrupt nerve supply to the genitals stress or anxiety relationship problems depression cultural or religious guilt associated with sex.
Explore your beautiful body by yourself and be secure in all your minor flaws. We all have them, why should you be any different? A wonderful first step is to take an evening to yourself and explore your body. Draw yourself a nice warm bath and then let any tension fade away.

Next head into your bedroom and lock the door. Take a personal mirror and explore your genitals. Unlike men, women's genitals are hidden from their eyes. So take a moment to see what your partner sees. Explore your beauty. Once you're more comfortable an orgasm will be much easier to achieve. If you've never masturbated before, then this is a good time to start.

Allow yourself to totally relax and get wrapped up in the moment. Concentrate on the sensations that feel extremely pleasurable. Remember the techniques you used and teach them to your partner. You should feel relaxed and comfortable so that you can fully appreciate sexual intimacy with yourself or your partner. In ideal circumstances you should be relaxed and stress free.

For many women, the late evening is the worst time to engage in sexual activity. If you're tired and wound up from a hectic day, wait for a relaxed Sunday afternoon when the kids are out of the house. It is okay for you to touch yourself during sexual intimacy with a partner. Self stimulation is encouraged, and often accentuates the feeling of intercourse.

Tantric Lovemaking

 

Part of tantric lovemaking involves eliminating the routine nature of intimacy. The timing can be crucial, but a routine schedule can lead to boredom or tedium. This is harder to achieve for couples who both work and live together. Throw a couple of kids into the mix and you've got a real challenge. The usual night undoubtedly involves making dinner, cleaning up, throwing in a load of laundry, putting the kids to bed, and finally calling it a night yourself. Lovemaking always occurs between lights out and morning for most people, but tantric practices call for spontaneous timing. If you remember, I used to harp about finding out your partner's priorities because you don't wait until after you're married to discuss the big stuff like finances, religion, motivation, or spontaneous behavior. Some people thrive on spur of the moment activities like running out for ice cream.
Others must have routines and order. Even if you are totally regimented, tantric lovemaking can't be held to a schedule. When you don't expect it, you find your focus is much more intense. You've been caught off guard so touching feels different, foreplay has more of an edge, and both partners feel a renewed energy. Tantric lovemaking is not about marathon behavior, but quality. Males can begin the practice of prolonged gratification by learning to delay ejaculation. The goal of lovemaking is not ejaculation, but orgasm.

Men in their 20's and 30's will notice a renewed strength by not always ejaculating during sex. This practice is something I've covered ad nauseum, but it involved strengthening the pc muscle. It doesn't mean you have to stop in the middle of it, but slowing down when you notice you've hit that plateau of no return is a start. By delaying ejaculation you give her the message that it's about her pleasure. When you give any woman more time to really let go and embrace her own pleasure, the whole experience is heightened.
Tantric couples have a special glow and energy that other people are in tune with, and males who don't always ejaculate during sex have more energy. Because they are less depleted, their skin looks healthier, they don't have bags under their eyes, and once they decide to ejaculate it can be a healthy release rather than something that spends all of their energy. I will repeat that these men still experience orgasms; they just don't always ejaculate. This enables them to make love more than once a night if their partner chooses.
Most women will admit to yearning more than once an evening, but if their partner can't be aroused more than once, they won't press the issue. Tantric couples have the satisfaction of knowing they can fulfill their partners needs plus their own. There is no lingering doubt about if they're "enough" for their partner. Tantric practices lead to confidence and harmony. I suggest everybody try this before they pass judgment. It will be one of the most gratifying exercises you've ever tried. Good luck!

Sexual Fantasies 2

The function of fantasy
Have you ever given much thought to the differences between the sexual fantasies typically conjured up by men and women? Men, it seems, tend to have more sexual fantasies than women and these are more likely to be paired with masturbation.
Men, by nature being visual, are likely to create graphic images of women's sexual bodies and imagine watching them, seducing them or, quite often, being seduced by them. For a male, the story line of a fantasy is usually quite genital and accompanied with explicit visual images.

Women, in general, fantasize less than their male counterparts. Those women who do fantasize are typically less visual in their sexual fantasies, are usually less focused on genitals, and are more likely to construct a story with the emotional feelings of a romantic encounter. Women also tend to involve more olfactory and auditory memories... memories of smells and sounds. To be sure, however, there are women who masturbate to their fantasies, be they romantic or erotic.

Sexual fantasies can serve many purposes. They can induce sexual desire, maintain sexual arousal, enhance the sexual experience, trigger an orgasm, and preserve a memory.

The desire to be sexual is not something controlled by a switch and easily turned on following the eleven o'clock news. Many people, particularly as they age or as a relationship matures, find that the easy turn ons occur less frequently, particularly late at night. On those occasions when time is limited, fantasies can serve to focus attention on the anticipated erotic event and help induce the desire for sexual intimacy.

More than one person has told me, "I'm not able to get excited on a moment's notice. I need time to psych myself up." To induce desire, you can think ahead about what you would like to experience and what you and your partner will give and receive. Imagine the sexual encounter is your very first, but without those initial anxieties, and let it be, in your mind, a new and exciting adventure. Recall the good sexual feelings you have experienced and mentally reminisce about those most memorable past encounters. Conjure up the memory of a partner's warmth, softness, and gentle touch. See your partner's face in your mind's eye and recall that person's sounds of pleasure and the aroma of their excitement. Include only the graphic images that you are comfortable with.

Desire can be induced mutually throughout the day, with, for example,a phone call to say, "I've been thinking of your wonderful body." The mid-day message, "You won't believe what I want to do to you tonight," might stir the erotic imagination of both partners, causing each to spend the day thinking of the possibilities in store for that night.

For those without a partner, fantasies during the day can become the prelude for an episode of self-loving that evening. Self-stimulation, the normal, natural way of experiencing solitary pleasure, is a healthy outlet for many who are alone. Fantasy during the day can certainly prepare you for the quiet celebration of your own sexual response.

Most of us have had the experience of beginning a sexual encounter, only to find our minds wandering off to the worries of the day or the pressing issues of tomorrow. Erotic fantasy can maintain arousal by pushing away the intrusive nonsexual thoughts. When distractions hit, we need only focus on a pleasant sexual memory or project an exciting visual image on our mental movie screen.
Fantasies can be of our current sexual partner, but often they will revolve around persons from the past, coworkers, movie stars, or attractive strangers. Bringing others into fantasies is normal and is justified if it serves the current relationship by eliminating distractions that would otherwise dampen or destroy the passion. Obviously, if someone feels guilty about including others in his or her fantasy script, they should be left out. Some people like a cast of thousands, while others want to focus exclusively on their current partner.

Bringing Romantic Fantasies to life

One of the most enjoyable parts of having a relationship is being able to fulfill your romantic fantasies. You know, the one about being swept off your feet by a knight in shining armor or rescuing the damsel in distress?
Knights and damsels are a thing of the past, but romantic fantasies still exist. A romantic fantasy is something important to you that is missing in your love life. It's what you think about in your quiet time. If only you had it, your life would be more complete.
In this article, you will learn how your romantic fantasies can come true by learning how to make them happen. All dreams need work to become realities. Whether you are in a relationship or not, you can still formulate your plan of action to make your romantic dreams come true.
Romantic fantasies are different for everyone. Each fantasy takes on a life of its own with a unique feeling, tone, and theme. Some people have simple fantasies; other people's fantasies are very detailed. One thing that is common with all romantic fantasies is the element of desiring something that you don't already have in your life and that can only come through a romantic partner.


Sharing Your Fantasy
Many times, both partners in a relationship have fantasies that they would like to share with their partners, but they don't reveal them. Sharing a fantasy can make you vulnerable. Fantasies also can evoke strong emotions. For these reasons, fantasies are usually kept private. To present your secret thoughts to someone can take courage.

One of the biggest barriers to sharing a fantasy with your partner is erroneous assumptions. No one can read another person's mind. Yet it's easy to come up with many reasons why you think your partner would not want to live out a fantasy with you.

Telling Your Partner What You Want

How do you tell your partner about your romantic fantasies? It's easy. All you have to do is be clear about what you want and then tell your partner. If you have someone who loves you, that person may be more eager to make you happy than you think.

The first step to telling your partner about your romantic fantasy is to think about what you want. Then write the fantasy down in one sentence. Have your partner write his or her fantasy down,too.

Tantric Sex - A Different Perspective

Many of us were taught before we became disabled or in adolescence that sex entails excitement that grows more and more intense until it results in a climax. The goal is usually seen as orgasm and the release of pent-up sexual tension.

We learned about sex in a culture that treats it as sinful and unspeakable, yet uses a medical model to describe it. According to the medical model of sex and orgasm, a buildup of muscular tension leads to a peak, followed by a release--ejaculation for men and contractions of the muscles surrounding the vagina for women. Since what science can measure is primarily physical in nature, orgasm is seen basically seen as an autonomic reflex, a mere spasm of genital contractions.

The medical model doesnt work for all of us. When our disabilities are accompanied by loss of genital sensation, limited movement or inability to ejaculate or have genital contractions, we may feel like giving up. The sexual pleasure we learned about or once knew has become inaccessible.

Tantric sex--based on the esoteric teachings of several eastern religions--provides an alternative way to experience sexual pleasure and bring new meaning to a loving relationship. Tantric orgasm is counterintuitive to the medical model. In Tantra, excitement is just the beginning rather than the means to the end. Instead of rushing toward a climax, a Tantric practitioner slows down, remaining in the moment, and travels toward deep relaxation. In the medical model, sexual energy builds, then is lost. In Tantra, energy is not lost but gained. Instead of using a partner for ones own gratification, Tantric partners provide vital energy to each other.

Sex Transformed
Ray Stubbs, sexuality educator, author, massage therapist and a fairly recent quadriplegic, has spontaneous orgasms while meditating despite his injury and describes ecstatic experiences I can only hope to someday achieve. He has written several books, the latest being The Essential Tantra: A Modern Guide to Sacred Sexuality.

Stubbs' extraordinary experiences do not occur in a vacuum. They follow many years of conscious seeking and study with Tantric teachers and Native American shamans. He has also practiced and taught contemporary meditation in the form of massage that embraces sexual energy.

Gary Karp, a paraplegic and the author of Life On Wheels, also has an interest in Tantric sex. He says that after his injury, a book on Tantra prompted him to consider that "normal" orgasm might not all it's cracked up to be. He particularly liked the Tantric teaching that two "energetically appropriate" lovers have complimentary polarities. "Making love," says Karp, "is an act of fulfillment and bonding for each person on a deep, evolutionary and innate spiritual level."

Stubbs' connection is with the divine; Karp's is with the other. Both approaches are spiritual. In fact, Tantra is not about sex at all. It is about transcendence. Although the outcome of Tantric sex may be prolonged sexual pleasure, that is not the goal. Sex is a vehicle. Sex is transformed into love, love into meditation, to light, to knowledge of the divine, to ecstasy, to bliss. According to Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh's Tantra, Spirituality and Sex --my first exposure to Tantra many years ago--once you know that bliss, you are grounded in reality. The reality is that in deep sexual orgasm, it is not sex that gives you bliss. Once again, sex is only the vehicle. Something else is generating the euphoria, the ecstasy. That something else, according to Rajneesh, can be divided into three elements--timelessness, egolessness and being natural. These are the components that produce ecstasy and bliss.

I know all of this might sound strange or simply corny, but bear with me. Even Tantric teachers say that practice and experience must precede belief. Transcendence comes through experience, not through ideology. My challenge to you is to begin to think of sexual pleasure and orgasm in a different way.

In the Moment
For a Tantric orgasm to occur, there is no need for a build up of sexual tension, for friction, for ejaculation or for muscular contractions. In fact, there is no need for sex at all once you have discovered that orgasm can be a deeply relaxing meditation, a state combining Rajneeshs three components of timelessness, egolessness and being natural. When you are timeless you are in the moment, not comparing to past experience or focusing on future expectations. When you are egoless, you become one with your partner or the universe, not an individual limited by physical disability or negative thoughts. When you are in your natural state, in the words of Rajneesh, "The unreal is lost; the facade, the face, is lost; the society, the culture, the civilization is lost. You are part of nature--as trees are, animals are, stars are. You are in a greater something--the cosmos."

Still seem far-fetched? Well consider this. Drs. Beverly Whipple, Gina Ogden and Barry Komisaruk have shown in laboratory studies at Rutgers University that woman can have orgasms through fantasy alone, without any physical stimulation. Some of the women's orgasms were not associated with genital contractions. Still skeptical? Think this only applies to nondisabled women? My recent research with men and women with spinal cord injuries documents experiences that were identified as orgasm by the participants but could hardly be described as medical-model orgasms. While some participants still experienced traditional orgasms, others--of both sexes--said their orgasms happened "by surprise." There was not the usual buildup of muscular tension, yet ecstatic feelings occurred in their heads or entire bodies, even for those with no sensation below their level of injury. Is your mind beginning to open to new possibilities?

Getting Started
Stubbs writes in his book The Essential Tantra that Tantra is basically a teaching of acceptance and nonattachment. When we grasp for something, we are attached. There's no freedom. When we avoid something, we are attached. There's no freedom. It is through the acceptance of all as it is that we become free. Acceptance is neither submission nor giving up. Here, acceptance means nonattachment. What does that mean for us? It means accepting ourselves as we are and letting go of preconceived notions of sex and orgasm. It means becoming aware of the feelings and sensations that we do have, subtle as they may seem at first. In total acceptance, in nonattachment, there is transformation.

Stubbs warns us not to get caught up in the mainstream medias sensationalization of Tantra that has packaged it as a royal road to sexual pleasure. The essence of Tantra is not having sex in a particular position or prolonging intercourse. The real thing, says Rajneesh, is the ability to relax, to let go, to transform the physical into a meditative experience. It is attentiveness to sensations, mindfulness, being in the present. Stubbs notes that when we can transform energy at will, we are liberated.

For me, a casual student, Tantra is a way of tapping into my subtle energy body that I had been aware of but unable to express. It has provided another way for my wife, Cheryl, and I to stay sexually and spiritually connected in those times between what many would refer to as ordinary sex.

Mastering Tantra takes many years of study and practice. All of us, however, can begin to reap benefits of this sacred perspective by practicing a few simple exercises that can be incorporated into our everyday lives.
* Raise your awareness that you are a conscious being. If you are accustomed to wearing a watch on your left wrist, wear it on your right. Every time you go to check the time on your left wrist instead of the right, say "I am a conscious being."
* Focus on your breathing. Most of us are shallow breathers. Deep relaxation begins with deeper breathing. Whenever you pass through a door, check your breathing. Take a good deep breath if you can, hold it and exhale fully. At a later time you can learn to harmonize these three stages of breathing.
* To get a better sense of your energy body, focus on the palm of your right hand. Notice the sensations. Then focus on the palm of your left hand. Switch the focus back and forth. Then slowly move your hands together until they almost touch. Pay close attention to the changes and what you feel between your palms. If you don't have sensation in your hands than focus on one ear, then the other. Then move or have someone else move your palm within an inch or so of your ear. You will see that your energy body extends beyond your physical body.
* To enhance your awareness of expanding sensations, slow down when youre eating. Truly taste the food and drink. Notice the texture and temperature. Keep track of the sensations as the food travels down your esophagus. I do this with orange juice first thing in the morning.

Practice is essential as we relearn ways to experience the full energy of our bodies. According to Stubbs, sensuality, sexuality and spirituality begin with ourselves. They are all within us.

Barriers to these experiences during sex include concentrating too much on performance and not enough on sensations, judging others, making comparisons with the past to invalidate the present, and focusing on expectations instead of the richness available in the moment.

To overcome these barriers, let go of expectations. If you are the receiver, let go of attachments to outcomes. If you are the giver, let go of performance expectations. Allowing, rather than striving, is the key to acknowledging that we are not bound by the medical model of orgasm.

Can Men and Women Be Friends?

 

Whether or not men and women can be friends is not as simple as the simple question makes it sound. Because there are different kinds of men and women.
Best-selling author and speaker David Deida describes a spectrum of sexual energy from the masculine on one side to the feminine on the other. Deida says that all men and women have access to the full spectrum of energy; that is, all of us could choose to animate more masculine energy, more feminine energy, or more balanced energy at any given time.
But we each also have a specific place on the spectrum--either more on the masculine side, more on the feminine side, or close to balanced--that is our unique sort of "resting place." It's the natural sexual energy that we are going to be expressing--and identifying with--most of the time. Deida calls this point on the spectrum our "sexual essence." Most men (around 80%) have a more masculine sexual essence, and most women (around 80%) have a more feminine sexual essence.

All of this is important in answering your question because the masculine in each of us has certain desires and values and the feminine has very different desires and values. A man with a masculine essence might have a friendly relationship with a woman who has a masculine sexual essence, but he would have a hard time having a stricly friendly relationship with a woman who has an extremely feminine essence.

Because these masculine and feminine energies drive the sexual attraction between us, and also because these differences between the extreme masculine and the extreme feminine are so profound--they want different things, communicate in completely different ways, see things completely differently, etc--it makes the kind of communication and sharing involved in a friendship type of relationship very difficult.

On the other hand, for men and women with balanced sexual essences, a friendship relationship is the most natural relationship for them. Because they are fairly balanced in their sexual energy (equally masculine and feminine) there is not the kind of mismatch and misunderstanding that constantly takes place between the extreme masculine and the extreme feminine. Men and women with balanced essences tend to have excellent communication with each other, but they also do not have the kind of sexual fireworks that characterizes men and women with more extreme sexual essences. People with truly balanced sexual essences just don't really care that much about sex.

It's important to realize that it's not better to have either a more extreme sexual essence or a more balanced sexual essence. Just like it's not better to have brown eyes or blue eyes. It's just different, but the differences do make a big difference in our lives and it's something that we should all be conscious of and take into account so that we won't be thrown into confusion by over-simplifications like: men and women should be able to be friends or men and women can never be friends.

Sound Sexier in the Sack

By Laura Snyder

Whether your lover is miles away or just in the next room, you can still share a steamy night together by putting that saucy tongue of yours to a new use -- by mastering the fine art of aural sex.
Tune Into Tone

Dirty talk doesn't delight if you sound like Fran Drescher. Lower the pitch of your voice a little and speak softly. The idea is to imitate how increased testosterone levels and lower oxygen levels make your voice sound when you're aroused.

Set the Mood
Even phone-sex operators don't just launch into x-rated dialogue, so casually transition your usual chit-chat into pillow talk. A good way to start is to express your desire for him or her, or by evoking the memories of an especially passionate romp you've shared before.

Learn the Lingo
Can't think of a good euphemism without sounding like a bad romance novelist? Use indirect words for particular body parts. As you get more comfortable with carnal conversation, think of more direct nouns. They don't have to be the medically accurate, but oh-so unappealing anatomical names. Take your cue from popular slang, literature or porn.

Paint a Mental Image
Use your knowledge of your partner's particular turn-ons. Even if your sweetie is looking right at you, tell him or her what you're wearing (or not wearing), what partner looks like (focusing on your favorite body parts) and what you'd like to be doing to each other to paint a vivid fantasy.

Listen Up
Get your partner to confess his or her most carnal desires, too, by asking questions. Example: "Would you like to touch my...?" You'll not only learn about what's arousing your partner most, but you can also subtly direct the conversation to suit your desires, be they kinky or romantic. Be a good listener, but don't go mute. Keep the conversation humming with plenty of affirming "mmm-hmms" and satisfied sighs.

Keep it Simple
You're trying to speak to the heart and groin, not win a poetry prize. As things heat up - and the blood starts vacating your head for a more southern neighborhood - keep your prose simple and explicit.